The sun has finally come out. What a relief! The days have been so overcast lately, the clouds pressing down. There was such a sense of impending doom suspended in the air.
Yesterday the siren of an ambulance wailed through the street when we were out for our walk. The sound carried so much urgency and emergency. My heart pounded, the greyness closing in on me. I wondered how we can survive in this world.
It’s a good thing that I had Sheba with me, to keep me in the moment. She was as happy as ever, trotting along, pausing now and again, to sniff, to paw the snow, to forge for some food. All was well in the world, she said.
Later, I wondered if the sound of the siren triggered a kaleidoscope of memories and responses absorbed from work….the STATS, the CODE BLUES, the sound of running feet and the crash cart, the ringing call bells, the x-ray machines, ECG machines, the sound of patients falling on the floor, nurses calling out for help….
I like to think that I’ve left all that behind. But who knows. Our bodies betrays us sometimes. They have a mind of their own and they speak when we are not expecting it. I remember rushing back from coffee one time to a Code Blue. I remember seeing everything in slow motion and in black and white…a true Kodak moment. I remember marveling the moment. WOW!
I am so happy to see the sun. The weight of greyness have lifted and the world seems more expansive. But I am sure there is a silver lining to the grey. It makes me appreciate the sun more. It has enabled me to pause and feel those feelings triggered by the sire of an ambulance. Now, I understand better the anxieties that I have been feeling.
Understanding is the first step towards freedom. The work has begun. Today is the first day. Isn’t it exciting?